College Is Bad For Your Health

College is bad for your health. This is a thing you hear a lot, since the food isn’t good and there’s a lot of stress. But, at least at my college, people are regularly seriously injured. And I don’t even go to a big college.

First off, there was a guy from a neighboring college who was here at a football game. He was a player, so I guess there’s some sense of risk, but he was so seriously injured he couldn’t get up and an ambulance had to be called and he had to be attached to a stretcher and removed from the field. He lifted his arms in triumph on his way out, so presumably he’s at least a little okay. But still. This was the first weekend of school.

Pictured: survival?

The day before Halloween, one of my best friends here, Emily, and her friend Dana got hit by a car. They were crossing the sidewalk completely legally, and someone turned left into them. Emily was okay, though her leg was in enough pain that she couldn’t ride her bicycle anymore and she’s been borrowing my car. Dana was less so; she has to wear a leg brace, and is going to need surgery this winter. She runs track, so this is a super big deal for her.

This is the actual police report of the accident.

McKenzie, yet another girl from my dorm, got Mono and had to leave early. She’s going to have to redo her term.

Mono.

There’s another girl named Bonnie who I’ve never met, but she lives in my dorm. She also got into a car accident, though she was in her car. She broke her foot and then got pneumonia, so she had to go home early. She’ll be able to do her finals over the internet, so at least she doesn’t have to redo the term.

Apparently she hit a telephone pole and not another car, but I was informed of this about two seconds ago, after the post was already up.

Another friend, Lauren, was in the hospital for about five hours on Sunday. She’d been semi-delirious from a fever for a day or two, but when she woke up, she couldn’t really move because her back hurt so much. Her grandfather drove down to take her to the ER, where they determined she had a kidney infection. This was actually a blessing—the other option was kidney stones.

These are not really the colors kidneys are, but I don't have my good color pencils with me.

Also the thing that looks like a hat is an Adrenal Gland and not a hat at all.

A friend of mine named Tony was in the hospital for six hours on Monday because he thought he had appendicitis. He doesn’t, but they don’t know what is wrong, so he has to go see his actual doctor next week.

Tony looks like a stick bug, only much more human and also way cuter.

Someone whose name I don’t know broke her hip a few weeks ago and needed emergency surgery. There was something already wrong with it, but all she did to break it was fall and land wrong.

Almost what a hipbone looks like...

Plus, all the bicycles outside my dorm had their tires slashed a month ago.

This is Steve Holt, Emily's bike. He was very sad until my roommate repaired him in Shanonie's Bike Shoppe.

We don’t actually believe there’s a curse, mostly. It’s the sort of thing we laugh about nervously and then look over our shoulders to make sure there’s no natural disaster about to kill us all, or a serial killer, or maybe yellow fever.

p.s. This is a picture of my roommate’s pillow that has bicycles on it. She wanted it to be used as Steve Holt, but I’m attached to my drawing of him, but I also promised her it would go in the post. So, here is the Steve Holt that lives on Shanonie’s pillow:

Shanonie's pillow.

p.p.s. Guys, you need to stop taking me so seriously. Of course I miss Jimmy on Degrassi; who wouldn't? But I’m super happy for him that he’s doing so well and doing what he wants to be doing.